Thank You Note for my Eyebrow Lady

To my lovely eyebrow lady.

Only you understand the importance of my eyebrows. They are on my face after all. My brows would be left to the mercy of my tweezers without you and I would continue down the road of eyebrow mess up and one day take a sharp left onto brow failure avenue.

Over the years, I have committed every plucking sin imaginable. I’ve plucked them too much; making me look surprised and revealing what appears to be a tan line (bad look). I’ve never known what to do with the bushy bits at the front, so sometimes they were just…bushy and other times a chainsaw massacre would occur and the tuft would disappear and give me a weirdly wide gap between my brows. I’ve tried, trimming my eyebrows…and managed to get the angle wrong. I’ve tried shaping them from the top and accidently plucked too far into my eyebrow line.

Sometimes I would get away with it which is a miracle because I have dark prominent eyebrows. Other times, the situation has been so bad that I’ve been asked: “what did you do to your eyebrows?” And most of the time I thought I looked fine because I was too stupid to realise how stupid I looked. Urgh!

Until one day I sought professional help…

And there you were, thread ready, clear on what needed to be done. I only turned to you for help because I was already at the salon and thought this would be a lot quicker than doing it myself. I still thought I looked fine. Then you threaded my eyebrows for the first time and it was like getting a haircut. I shed so much hair! I have no idea where this hair was coming from! It’s not like I started out with a monobrow!

Then I was told to stretch the skin around my brows so you could finish up. I couldn’t seem to hold it in the right place. An assistant had to come and hold my face! I actually couldn’t breathe. I had some major Miss Congeniality style eyebrow surgery.

You transformed my shrubs! I know my brows can be unruly if left to their own devices but you harnessed the power of my strong brows and now I looked fabulous! I didn’t look surprised, and you didn’t arch them until I looked like Maleficent. I looked like ….me. But a better me; a more polished, refined me. A me who looks like she has her life under control; like she knows what she is doing. After all, what kind of person goes around with one eyebrow thicker than the other? AN IDIOT, that’s who.

It’s because of you that my family says “you have such good brows” and believe that I can help them too, but I tell them “I get professional help.” It’s because of you that when I am sitting in the salon having them done other women gasp “oh my gosh, she has such good brows” (I’m possibly paraphrasing but that’s what I hear in my head) and it’s quite possibly because of you that I am married because rather than tell me how beautiful my eyes were when we met, my husband told me I had great eyebrows (which was later seconded by his mother).

I owe you a lot eyebrow lady.

Sometimes I do get lazy and I don’t visit as frequently as I should. I go back to my “I think it looks fine” mode. I pluck a few strays myself here and there BECAUSE I AM A FOOL.

But when I come back (and I do always come back to you) you transform me again, and I feel so good I don’t even need makeup.

So, thank you eyebrow lady for all that you do. Only you understand the power of good eyebrows and can transform me from fugly to fabulous. 

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